The Sex Diary of a
Vol. 4 Chapter X
In the autumn of the year that Mrs. Y* * *s* * *e, then big with child, and thus satisfied, refused further sexual connection with me, we went to a well-known, healthy, but not fashionable seaside town. We took a young lady (Miss E***s) with us as companion, and got lodgings close to the sea at an ordinary lodging-house. For several reasons we would not go to an hotel. There were two rooms on the ground-floor of this house let to a married couple. We had on the first-floor a sitting-room and bed-room, and wanted an old bed-room for Miss E***s; but they would not let a bed-room above us, unless we took both on that floor, which we did. So we slept in the back room first-floor, I taking to the nuptial couch again for a time, and Miss E***s slept overhead. The other room was empty. That constituted the house together with the kitchens in the basement, and a room at the back in the yard.
The landlady's husband was a seafaring man, or was said to be so, and only at home in the winter, — perhaps he kept away in the season, so that the rooms of his house might be let well. The landlady whom we scarcely ever saw excepting to pay her her bills, slept in the kitchen, and so did her two children, whom we did not even know were in existence for some time, so quiet and out of the way were they kept. The servant was a short sturdy girl with lightish brown hair, a very weather-beaten florid face, and merry blue eyes (quite like dozens of girls at the part of the coast), who said she was seventeen years old (she did not seem sixteen). The mistress' sister also waited and assisted when all the lodgings were let, and went home at night. The little servant also went home at night to her father's, a laborer, when the top-rooms were let. If they were not, she slept there. In fact when lodgers filled the house the landlady and her brats pigged to-gether in the kitchen, and when any rooms were empty slept upstairs. We did not however know all this at once; lodging-house keepers carefully hide their mode of living, and so on, for fear that if people knew all they would not take their apartments. Above all they prevent lodgers from knowing there are children in the house, for people don't like them in the kitchen where their food is cooked.
Soon the ground-floor people left, and we were the only lodgers. We had been there but a few days when as usual my wife and I quarrelled. I refused to sleep with her, and went to sleep upstairs. "It's impossible for you to sleep upstairs next to Miss E***s, — what will the people think?" "Think what they like." "Well Miss E * * *s must come down, and sleep with me." "I don't care who sleeps with you, — I won't." So I slept upstairs, Miss E * * * s came down, and the two ladies occupied the same bed on the drawing-room floor. Soon afterwards the landlady asked if she would mind the young servant using the odd bed-room until we wanted it, so as to prevent her going home of a night. But my wife would not hear of that, for I had remarked that she was a fresh, active little girl, and that was enough to prevent her being allowed to sleep near me. So the one room remained empty, and the servant still went home to sleep.
I had taken a fancy to the little girl, — Sally she was called (I have known intimately half-a-dozen Sarahs) — the instant I saw her. Within a couple of days I had given her a kiss, and tipped her a shilling, — I had to stoop to kiss her. She resisted with the, "Adun now sir" so common among the country lasses; but as she found a shilling and a kiss went together, it altered in about three days to, "Oh! don't yer now sir be a doing that, — Missus will be a catching you, and what will I say?" Then being sure my Missus was out, one day I gave a kiss, held her close to me, and gave a nudge near to her notch. That riled her. She was saucy, so I did not give her a shilling, and got kiss and nudge for nothing. But as I wandered about the coast (I was in and out of the house a dozen times a day), she got frequent kisses, and at length nudges as well. She responded by pushing me away, but without saying a word when I nudged her grummit. One day I went in when my people were out, and having just met the ground-floor lodgers I therefore knew they were out also. I got her to me with, "Here's a bob for you," and said, "I'd give a pound to be in bed with you, and put my fingers on the naked just there," giving a hard push towards her notch. This could not have occurred more than a week after I had taken the lodgings. The lass showed her displeasure by, "Now don't sir," and pushing me away, but taking my little shilling nevertheless; and by this time she must have been quite aware, that I was thinking a good deal about her cunt; and probably she thought what I wanted to do with it, and with what, — so that I had set her thinking lewedly.
It was just then that I became aware that she went home after supper (we had a primitive early dinner, and a slight supper). She had said, "Please Ma'am do you want anything more to-night? — if not I'm a going." That roused my curiosity. The next night I kept outside the street-door, and as she left went up as if by chance to her. "Ulloah! Sally, going to fetch beer!" "No sir, I'm a going home." "Home?" "Yes, I goes home to sleep at father's." I walked towards home with her, flattered her I dare say instinctively, and got her to walk with me on to the Promenade by the sands. There we sat down on a seat, had a chat, a kiss, and in the dark I said I'd give a pound to be in bed with her. "Oh! law I must go, — if I'm not in by ten o'clock father will kick up a row, and go and ask Mrs*** why I'm home so late." I walked towards home with her, and got her to have some sort of liquor. She would not go into the public-house, saying they knew her, — so I took a glass outside to her. Then I walked on outside the town into a dark road. She begged me to go no further, as her father might be coming along. I kissed her, stooped and put my hands up her clothes to her quim. With a cry she pushed me away, and ran off.
The next morning she sulked, — I laughed. "She is a funny little girl," said my wife. "She is," said I. The next night I coaxed her to sit down with me again by the sands. "Oh! now I won't let you do that, — I don't like it, — I don't want yer half-crowns if you wants to do that, — oh! — now, — I won't — now — doan't, — leave off, — I'll call out, — now, — here is some one coming." "So there is, now don't make a noise, or her will fancy something," said I.
Then I got my hand up her petticoats, and onto her split, I was holding her tight, and she was struggling to get away, when a man approached. I desisted, and she sat quite demurely. When the man's figure had faded away in the distance I recommenced. "I know that man," said she, "I'm sure." "What does that mat-ter?" "If it be he, he'll tell my father I'm on the sands with a man." "He won't know you, — he did not look. I've felt your cunt," said I. "You let me go." "Never mind, make it up, — here is a half-crown." She took the money, and we made it up with kisses, and a promise that I would not do it again. What a wonderful effect kisses have on young women, and so have half-crowns on poor girls. The mistress paid her no wages she said.
Either the larking pleased her, or the money (a half-crown each feel), and one night on the beach I made her feel my cock. "That will go up your cunt some day," said I. I forget the conversation which led to it, but I told her my wife had said she was not eighteen, she was sure. She chuckled. No she was not. How old? "Sixteen and a half." "Why say eighteen?" "Because lodgers won't give you so much if you're young." Though but sixteen and a half the motte-covering (what there was of it) felt wonderfully thick and crisp. The nights were just then moonless, I must add.
It was just before this that my domestic quarrels began; I was asked why I kept out of a night. "Why? — to play billiards." Then there was a row because with opera-glasses when sitting on the beach, I looked at ladies bathing; especially at a fine big woman, who always managed to let the waves wash her bathing-dress so much up, that when the waves retired, she was standing with the dress above her navel, and the dark hair of her motte visible. She did this so constantly (a dozen times in fact each morning), that it became a matter of talk among the men down there. My wife said she was a beast for doing it on purpose, and I was a beast for looking, and we had a hot riot about it. So I went to sleep upstairs, all through a woman showing her belly naked when bathing, — as if a woman would not like to look at a black-haired prick if she got the chance, just as I did at a dark-haired cunt.
"Oh! don't you and your Missus have breezes," said Sally to me one night, "why don't you sleep with her?" I told her that I was miserable with the woman, and that of a night when sleeping alone, I did not know what to do, to put my stiff prick at ease. I made her feel it so, that within two weeks the young one felt it regularly on the beach, till there was moonlight, and afterwards- near her father's house, or somewhere, for in the lonely road of a night, there was an opportunity every hundred yards. But I never got my fingers on to the girl's cunt-split further than the clitoris, — a groping, and feeling, I dropped my half-a-crown to a shilling, but gave more frequently, if she did not resist and make a fuss; if she did, I gave her nothing, and called her a fool.
Just as the time was up for which we had hired the rooms, we one day had a very violent quarrel. The landlady came up to ask if we were going to stop longer, as in the event of our not stopping, she would look out for other lodgers. Said my wife, "We are going." "I shan't then," said I. However she gave formal notice to leave. I immediately gave notice that I should keep the lodgings another month. It ended in she and Miss E***s going back to London, expecting that I should soon follow, — but I had found several friends there, and a good billiard-table, and from temper alone would not have given in. Moreover I thought that by some chance I might spermatize Sally's cunt, and, I fancied, spermatize it for the first time. So there in solitude I remained at the sea-coast.
My letch for the little one increased. For a long time I now had mostly had biggish women, with full-sized, full-fledged cunts, and large arse-cheeks, and the idea of the smaller, half-haired quim of Sally attracted me: yet at the same time by a singular contradiction, I had a longing for the full-fleshed, big-arsed, dark-cunted woman, whose backside and belly the waves seemed daily to expose for my admiration, — for she was still at the coast, bathing daily. Explain this inconsistency who can. One thing is certain, that not having any one to fuck at all, I had sperm ready for any cunt; but I kept for all that away from gay ladies pretty well, though far from entirely.
I did not want four rooms, but to prevent scandal (for I did not like the landlady to know too much about the disquiet in which I lived), said I expected my wife would return, as she had only gone to see a sick relative; and that so soon as she was better she and Miss E***s would return. The landlady asked if her servant might use one bed-room till they did. I was now sleeping on the drawing-room floor, and gave my acquiescence you may be sure pretty quickly, — and Sally went up nightly to sleep there.
I began to tell Sally when she waited on me, that I meant to go up, and sleep with her. She looked queerly, and said so earnestly that if I did, she would tell her Missus, that I hesitated at doing what I had intended; but kept up the chaffing. "Sally (as I began to call her, — others called her Sarah) I heard you overhead last night." "Did you, sir, — I took off my boots too, for Missus told me." "Oh! not your walking Sally, I heard the rattle in the pot as you piddled." "0 — o — oh! sir, — now you didn't, for I didn't do it." Then she bolted out of the room laughing. When she came in again, "Sally you made my cock as stiff when I heard you piddle as you did when you felt it on the beach." "Oh! here is your herring sir," — and off she ran again. When alone in the house, instead of doing more with her I could do less in the way of fingering her. Money failed to keep her near me then, but I used to pull out my cock, and shake it at her. I had no chance of getting her on the sands now, through her being permitted to sleep in the top-room.
The landlady could not let her ground-floor because the people wanted three bed-rooms, would I give one up, if she made a proportionate reduction in rent? That would not suit me, with my chaste intentions, to have any one sleeping in the next room to Sally; so I refused. Then I made up my mind to go up to Sally's room. For a day or two funked doing so, but at last determined on it, and just then the lower rooms were let, which increased my risk. Luckily the people did not like the lodgings, and left in three days. Then I resolved, come what might, to go up to Sally when in bed, and try my luck.
One night I listened. She stole up quietly. Then when in my night-gown, and just as I was going to open the door, I heard the landlady downstairs, whom I thought must have been fast asleep in her piggerty, with her two young ones. It frightened me back. I did not tell Sally about it.
I had found then (for I could no longer wait for Sally's quim), as I did everywhere, a woman and a baudy house at that coast-town. I was abstinent, not liking the feminine articles there, but I wanted fucking badly. One morning when I had seen the well-bummed lady bathing as usual, I yielded to a most pressing want and a furious lust. Going away from the frequented sands, and nearly out of sight of the bathing-machines, I sat down thinking not of little Sally, but of the fat-arsed, black-cunted one, and frigged myself. This was about twelve o'clock in the day. Annoyed with myself afterwards, I went back to my lodgings, and said I would go to town. I intended to do so, and to have a woman there, but indeed I scarcely recollect exactly what I did intend to do. No packing up of clothes was needful, because I intended going home. I told of my leaving, and went off, but met some friends, dined with them, missed the train (railway only just then opened), and at about half-past eight went back to my lodgings to sleep there. It was a Saturday night, and dark.
I knocked at the door which was locked, instead of being on the latch, as seaside lodging-house doors usually are till bed-time. "Who is that?" said a voice. "I." The door opened ajar, it was chained, and Sally peeping through said with surprize on her face, "You sir!" — "Yes me, — let me in." "Oh! I can't, — I must ask Missus." "What the devil do you mean?" The door closed in my face. I knocked again, and Sally opened the door. "Beg your pardon sir, but we did not expect you to-night." I thought to myself, they were perhaps sitting in my rooms, or they might have let the beds for a night, — who knows what tricks! But I took no notice, finding my rooms all right. Soon up came Sally. "Please sir, Missus gives her compliments, and hopes you will excuse it, but not thinking you would be back till Monday, she let the children sleep in your back room, — but they are not in your sheets, but in our own." I laughed. "Tell her I'll excuse it, — but where do you sleep Sally, — with them?" "Oh! no sir, — Missus said I might sleep in the front, — but not in your sheets sir, — oh! no." "All right Sally," — and after I had given her a pinch on her bum and a kiss, off she went downstairs. The ground-floor rooms were unlet, I was the only lodger that night in the house.
Soon she re-appeared. Did I want anything before the shops closed for dinner to-morrow, because Missus must go and fetch it, — it was getting late. No, I would dine out, but would she fetch me some beer for supper. She would. She did. I had some bread and cheese, and then gave Sally a hug, and put my hands up her petticoats. She declared she would tell her Missus, and then went away with a shilling, a kiss, and a sight of my tooleywagger.
I thought how I should like to fuck the little bitch, — I've felt her, she has felt me, she has seen it, she won't cry out, though she says she will. I thought of my frig that day, of the bathing lady, and of the slight hair on Sally's cunt, till I got reckless with randiness. She was to sleep in the front-room, there was no key to it, — Miss E***s had complained of there being no key. "I'll go up when the girl's abed," said I to myself. Then I pondered on the consequences. The more a man thinks of such a business, the more randy and reckless he gets. I ceased to think of consequences, and only of the pleasure I should have in broaching Sally's vulva.
"Shall you want anything more to-night sir?" "Yes hot water, — and Sally, as you go up to bed I'll give you a glass." "No thank you, sir." But Sally was fond of whisky, and even took it neat, for I had given it to her. She brought the hot water, I made grog, and she drank some saying, "Oh! I'm afraid she'll smell me of the whisky, and oh! I must go down, she'll be a wondering why I stop so long." "Mind I'm coming up to sleep with you." "Oh! no sir, pray don't, — oh! now I'll tell my Missus, — she says she thinks you ain't up to no good all down here alone without your wife, — she do." "Nonsense, I shan't hurt you, — we'll lay and feel each other, and do what we do on the beach, — nothing more, — and I'll give you half-a-sovereign, and a new pair of boots." "I'd rather not," said she hanging her head. "Did you ever have a sovereign Sally?" "No never, — now leave me alone, sir, — take your hand away, — oh! you do talk nasty, — oh! if Missus hears she'll turn me out." "Don't make a noise then,, my dear." "Oh! leave me alone, — I don't like your hand there." This was in the first-floor sitting-room.
She had sunk her voice, she wriggled, and writhed till she dislodged my hand from her thighs, and got away. "As you come up to bed I'll give you a glass of whisky and water." "I won't." "Well I'll go up and put it in your bed-room." "Don't, — Missus is sure to come up, and look at the children before she goes to bed, and if she goes into the other room — oh!" "She won't, my dear, — I'll put the glass under the bed, just by the pot, — then when you take it out to piddle you'll find the glass." "I can't wait, — let me go," — and off she went.
I waited and waited, took off my slippers, went half-way down-stairs, listened, and could hear some one moving about. Then I heard a noise as of two people talking, and it seemed like a man. "The devil," thought I, "it's the husband come home," — and I went back hesitating. "It's risky, I won't go up, — she is like perhaps the Misses Braham, will feel, and be felt, but no prick shall go near her cunt, — I don't want merely to frig her, or be frigged," — so I thought of going to bed, and waiting my chance of getting her to a baudy house. But I had been delighting in the idea of the thrust with which I should go up her, for I felt sure she was virgin. Then after having been stiff for half an hour, down my prick had gone. "What shall I do," I thought, "if I get into bed with her, and can't do her?" When I got nervous in that way my prick sometimes would not stand to its work, try as I might. I have al-ready narrated an instance.
I fancied still there was a man in the house, but after a while could hear no one. At all events I resolved to put the grog in her room, made a tumbler full of water and whisky hot and strong, and sweetened it well, went upstairs without my shoes, and put it by the chamber-pot. I knew exactly the spot, though it was in the dark, having slept in that room. Then down again, and undressing myself, I put out the lights, and sat down in the room with the door ajar, and watched. Such a time elapsed that I thought she was going to sleep with her mistress downstairs, or perhaps had gone home.
At last she came quite quietly upstairs with a jug of hot water in one hand, and a candlestick in the other, staring at the door of the drawing-room all the way. When half-way up the next flight, she turned round, stopped for a moment, and looked hard at my door, as she wondered whether I was there or abed. Then the door of her bed-room closed, and her footstep was scarcely audible over-head. I sat waiting such a time as might enable her to wash herself (the hot water meant that), and get into bed. Meanwhile I could not keep my cock to the stand at all.
Then, "Shall I go? — what if the mistress finds it out! — what if she cries out!" I got into bed, for I was chilled sitting in my night-gown, though it was not cold weather, and laid feeling my prick. As I got warm, that got stiff. "I'll go," thought I, — "if she makes a noise I'll say she asked me to go up." It was a mean thought, and I dismissed it. Then my cock got furious. I went down a few stairs and listened. There was no noise below, all was silent as the grave. Up I went, opened her door, and closed it. The room was dark, only a slight light from a street-lamp somewhere shown through the window.