The Sex Diary of a
Vol. 5 Chapter XII
On the Tuesday at the appointed hour, I met Victoria and took her to the same house, the scene of so much of my amorous work. — She could only stop an hour,. — must get home, — I might see that she really did go home if I doubted her. — She had evidently come for fucking, and didn't mince the matter, but she would only take her gown off and would not let me see her cunt, and got very angry, and began putting on her dress to go when I insisted. —She expected I should treat her like a lady. — "My dear I've had many ladies, and they all let me see their cunts." She didn't care, she wouldn't. I found her nicely formed, but tho looking large and full in her dress, that her flesh felt poor and fllabby. — I mounted her, and found her cunt was excessively wet, but primed by three days' rest, I soon injected thick spunk, into her thin contribution. The sloppy sensation her cunt gave me, displeased me but I don't think that she had any ailment.
She well understood the movement of her buttocks when fucking, I found, but before I had had my voluptuous repose. — "Take it out — do now and let me wash," said she — and I let her.
Again we did it, and she laid with my prick up her as if she had forgotten it. — Then suddenly out she jumped and washed, then put on her things, and got ready to go. I took her nearly home in a cab, but was not satisfied with this hurry, tho placed as she was I knew that it might be necessary. She agreed the next time to stop with me all night, her brother was to be told that she should sleep at her cousin's, whose utility I began to perceive. — I was to write to her there, if anything unforeseen occurred to prevent our meeting.
The day came when I was again to meet my unknown. — She was such an amorous bedfellow, she so enjoyed my baudy pranks, speechless when doing them with me in her intense enjoyment, that I anticipated the day of meeting with impatience. I usually rode to and from my home and Charing Cross, but it being a clear, bright, cold day, I walked, and near to the place at which the unknown lady had descended from the omnibus on the foggy night, and I was thinking of the pleasure of the evening to come, I met the lady her-self, with a child about seven or eight years old. — We were about fifty feet off when we recognized each other. — She grasped the child's hand, and ran across the road dragging it with her in the very teeth of the carriage traffic, hurried on, never looked back, got in-to a cab and drove off rapidly, and before I could make up my mind what to do, the cab was out of sight. With a presentiment of evil, I went to the appointed spot — walked about for an hour, enquired at the house, went to the Nelson Column thinking I might have made a mistake in the place of meeting, back again to the Haymarket, and did this for three hours in a state of fury with unsatisfied lust, but she never came, and I never have seen her since. — At intervals for some days afterwards I walked all about the neighbourhood where I had met her, but never saw her. I had taken a great fancy to the lustful lady and was much mortified. — Had my accidental meeting stopped her, or had she ever intended to meet me again. — Was she single, wife, or widow. — Was her husband abroad, was she a kept woman? — That she was not a harlot was the only point about which I could make up my mind, and that she was a voluptuous, libidinous creature was certain. I wonder if a woman with a large clitoris is more lewed than others.
I went home angry and disappointed. — Why I did not have the pleasures of a gay lady I can't tell, I often can't make out my reasons for my behaviour in sexual matters. — there was a good fire in my room. I stripped naked and my prick stood rigidly, I could think of nothing but the unknown lady, and resisted a desire to frig — but walked about with my stiff prick, admiring myself in a cheval glass, and put myself into various eccentric attitudes, looking at it all the time. — Then all constraint left me, I stood up against the glass and wetting my right hand, the tip of my prick with my spittle, I enclosed its whole length with both hands, but instead of moving them and frigging the usual way, I pushed my prick thro them as if they were a cunt, oscillating my bum, and thinking of the unknown lady's backside and thick clitoris, and spent my sperm on to the looking glass. — Then mad with my-self for doing so went to bed. I once in my life did a similar trick.
Vic met me on the day appointed. I took a largish travelling bag, and she had a small hand bag. Hailing a cab we drove to the **** hotel, took rooms, had dinner, and soon after went to bed. — Beyond feeling her cunt I had no indecent familiarities in the sitting room, but talked baudily, at which she professed to be shocked, — tho her face gave the lie to that; and I noticed that she had a sly habit of looking out of the corner of her eyes at me, which I didn't like. We had a good deal to talk about. — Mutual acquaintances, our childhood, and so on. When we went to the bed room and she had undressed to her chemise, said she, "I declare my poorliness has just come on." I am certain she must have known it was her time. And was a beast to have come to me.
I could never bear a woman in that state — and swore. She began to whimper, — it wasn't late, and she would go home. — I had been keeping myself chaste for days — so would not hear of her going — and spite of her ailments, fucked her two or three times. I dissembled my annoyance, but was glad when in the morning I had put her into a cab. I had never looked at her cunt, or attempted it. — We arranged to meet that day week again, when her courses would be over, she insisted they had come on suddenly.
The day came, we went to another hotel and to bed early. I found her limbs and bum fleshy looking, but very flabby to the feel, but her breasts were large, and her skin white, which made a good show. We quarrelied because she would not let me see her cunt, and I only had a glimpse of her motte which had plenty of a lightish brown hair on it.
She enjoyed her tailing. Her cunt was very roomy, easy, and wet, and got very wet directly my prick was well up her, and it hurt her when I pushed with vigor. After the first washing — she washed no more — and talking with her, in a jocular way I remarked that the reason why she would not let me see her belly and cunt was that she had had a family. — It was no business of mine if she had, she remarked in an offended manner, but of course she had nothing of the sort, it was an insult to suppose that she had.
A day or two afterwards I called on her brother and had tea there. — She played on the piano most brillantly — it was exquisite — I made an assignation and we met a few days after, when I did all the fucking I could in an hour and a half. — Then she disclosed to me under pledge of secrecy — that she could not bear living with her brother, and that weekly she came, unknown to him, to a musical professor, to learn the rudiments and the art of teaching the piano, intending to go back to her aunt and give lessons in a neighbouring town when she was proficient.
I met her a few times after that in a hurried manner, and then had another night with her. She drank wine rather freely, and told me about the death of her intended, the night before her marriage, and that he had had her, that the fear of its being found out, after his death, drove her for awhile out of her senses. He had only done it to her three times, and she had never had any other man but him, and myself, — which I don't quite believe. I asked her what I should buy her, for I had never given her any present. She named something, but said she would rather buy it herself. — Her brother kept her very short of money, so I gave it. Soon after. "What will you do if I'm in the family way?" — Staggered at the question put suddenly — "Get out of it," I re-plied. — "How?" — I told her what I knew — she smiled and said, "You don't know much about it." — "I've got a dozen or two with child tho." — "Perhaps you have, but you didn't get rid of them — If I am with child you'll keep it won't you?" "If it's really mine and you wish it, certainly." "I don't wish it, and you won't be bothered about it — but you've given me a child, and I expect you have done so to many." — Then she told me such a lot about myself and my home, and disclosed that one of our dismissed servants had lived with her brother as servant, and every bit of tittle tattle that had been told by servant to servant for years, had come to her ears. — A precious libertine I was made out to be, but Vic did not wonder at it. This is the second time friends have heard scandal from servants I had dismissed, as I think I have said elsewhere here before, but am not sure.
Not being able to see her cunt, for she still refused that, I got intensely curious about it. I felt it continually, put my fingers up, and tried to compare my sensations as my prick went up it with those I felt when probing other ladies, — and am sure hers was an extremely large, loose article, and with but little of the muscular grip of most cunts, even when she spent. Moreover it got awfully wet, almost sloppy, and I began not to care about her but didn't know how to break off the liaison. As I became indifferent, she seemed quite the re-verse, began to name days frequently, and I had to make excuses. — The London season was on, and tho at home leading a life absolutely apart, we kept up externals, and went into society at times together, and I by myself a great deal, — so I got off meeting Vic on those grounds. Then she turned indignant. Had she thought I should behave so, she would never have met me. Our acquaintance dragged on till July, and then I went abroad and all ended.
Seeing her less, I had Camille once or twice; but ready for any opportunity, I soon picked up a plump servant out of place, and had her at intervals, and at one time I had three women on hand, at this period.
One thoroughly dark, dry, night, going across a park soon after darkness had set in, a woman accosted me. — I adjourned to beneath a large tree and felt her cunt. "Fetch that girl," said I, as another woman passed near me. She did and I felt her, and then a couple more, at a shilling a feel. I could not see who, or what they were like, but found them coarse and common. — I was that night a little in wine and thrilling with lust. "Your cunt's not clean," said I to one. "I've just been fucked," said she. "Where do you hick?" asked I, in perfect ignorance. "Any where — on the chairs — on the grass, or against the trees, or the hurdles. — Look, there is a couple fucking there." — I looked and in the dim light saw by a tree a man sitting on a chair, and a woman in a sitting posture moving up and down on him; looking on the other side I could see a couple standing up at work. No, the policemen never came, they were away from the road. why should policemen interfere, said the two park whores.
"Let me fuck you," said one. — I declined tho well nigh bursting — fearing disease in such poor creatures whom I thought could have but the commonest men. The couple fucking on my right moved away, and the place was taken immediately by others. "There is plenty of fucking to night," said the woman who now remained by me, hoping I suppose I should have her. — "I should like to see them doing it closer." — "Come up to the tree then, they won't mind, stand back a minute, directly he's got his prick up her — he won't notice anything, and we'll go close."
We walked rapidly to the rear, then up to the back of the tree, seeing clearer and clearer and the woman moving up and down as if pumping. As we got close she ceased, and the man went off almost at a run. — "They have been quick, she's got a cunt full I'll bet," said my woman. — "Has he fucked you Polly?" "Rather," the woman replied.
Baudy wishes all in conflict, all in tumult rushed thro me. I scarcely knew what I wanted or did, "Let me feel your wet cunt," said I, and the next moment my hand was on it. It was like a paste pot (my old simile, and I know no better) and half way down her thighs was the same. Astonished at the quantity and feel, "He has spent a lot," said I. "He's a Scotchman," said she, "they always spend a lot and quick, they doesn't do it to a gal till they can't keep it in their balls no longer," said my woman. "And then wants it for nothing," said the other. "Yes they always wants it for nothing," echoed my woman, "cheap suits 'em, but they ain't long about it." I groped and groped, — till the spunk, by my feeling it drying up, almost glued my fingers to her cunt. — "Damned if you aren't made me hot, messing me about, fuck me." "No — no, I can't," but I buried al-most my whole hand in her cunt, thinking of the man fucking, and almost out of my senses with lust. Then suddenly reflecting, I withdrew my hand, wiped it on her chemise, gave them both silver and moved off rapidly, surprised and disgusted with myself, spitting on my hand and rubbing it hard then with my handkerchief; and at length on the grass where no one would see me, pissing over my hand to purify it.
Getting nearly across the park, and in sight of the entrance, my lust suddenly returned and I thought I should like to see more. The continual sight of coition going on had affected me lewedly, and with all my knowledge of London and experience of life, I had never before known of such amorous games being played nightly in the open, by many hundreds; so I walked back nearly to the same spot, and watched couple after couple go and fuck in the dim distance, and largely verified what the park whore had told me about the vast amount of nightly copulation there. She said a thousand fucked nightly.
Then with prick painfully rigid, and almost with an aching in my testicles, inciting me to ease them I walked away. It was not about a quarter to ten, and I had not gone far before I met a shortish girl who seemed one of the host of Paphians. For some reason, I know not what, I fancied and accosted her, and made her an offer to feel her cunt. She moved away from me. — "No," she wouldn't. — I laid hold of her arm, for her refusal stimulated my lust — "Let me feel your cunt and I'll give you ****." "No I won't go that way, my sister's there, and I don't want her to catch me."
We went then across the grass, across walks, and by some hurdles, a long, long, way where it was quite solitude, dark, and close to a plantation; and I felt there the girl's cunt, which was tight, and had but little hair on it — and I knew she was quite young by that, tho I scarcely seen her face; and whilst feeling I questioned her.
She was sixteen, her sister was gay, was in the park every night, and she wanted "to see about," like her. — But her sister had driven her back home, and hit her, and told her mother. She had as much right as her sister to be in the park. — She liked to be there "and watch the couples doing it." — She'd never had it done to her in the park, excepting by her young man who had done it to her for now a month, but he didn't give her anything for it. She worked at envelope folding, and was tired of that.
Feeling her tight little cunt and the little hair on her motte, and noticing her manner, I believed mainly what she said, and do now, credulous as I am about women's tales of themselves. — I frigged her — and talked about the couples fucking. — Desisting —"Go on rubbing me," said she. — "Let's fuck you," said I (all prudence gone), "on the grass, it's quite dry." — Down she laid at once, and in one of the tightest little cunts I ever had, and in a short time, and with exquisite delight, I spent my spermatic juices, — and she spent with. "Do you like fucking?" said I. "I love fucking, and why shouldn't I do it like my sister, and get money like her, she's always telling me about it." Her naivete was charming.
Still lustful, — charmed with the oddity and novelty of the night's excitement, and standing up, I felt the tightness of her vagina even with my lubrication, and gave her my prick to feel. — We scarcely spoke, — each was intent only on stimulating the other. — Then came the old idea into my head. — "Is my prick bigger than your young man's?" "Oh much bigger, and longer, — but he isn't older than I am, not quite as old, he aren't sixteen — and he aren't much taller than me, — Oh! — isn't it getting big again." "Lie down." — Down she went like a shot, and my prick felt as tightly enclosed in her cunt as if it had been grasped by a fist, and we soon spent again. How the little lass enjoyed it there was no sham.
The last drop of my sperm had barely jetted up her cunt, when — "Oh there's some one dead" — and a slight shriek of a female roused us. — We got up. — A man laughed. "It's a couple at it," said he, and a tall woman and a soldier in red (that I could see) passed us. Her petticoats rubbed against me and a foot nearer and she would have trodden on us. — They passed out of sight in an instant. — "They are going to fuck," said I. — "Yes — I likes to see them doing it," said my companion. When Peg's gone, I comes into the park and watches them sometimes, and sometimes my young man comes, and we watches together — and then he does it to me, but he lives two miles off, and can't always get away.
I gave her a lot of silver, which overwhelmed her, but I didn't leave, for talking to her had a singular charm for me. — She told me all about the couples in the park. Where and how they copulated, and the price paid, — Her sister, said she, told her everything, yet wanted seemingly to prevent her from practising the art of sperm drawing. — The small price accepted for their favours, — and the number of men that a woman sometimes had nightly — was a revelation to me, and I did not quite believe it. I do now for I have heard much since.
Time went on. — I heard a clock strike. My desire for feeling her cunt and my own sperm seemed insatiable, and we talked on, and all about park whoring, till I determined to have her on a chair, as I had seen couples in the park for the first time in my life that night.
So I led her to the spot, and selecting a chair furthest seemingly from the spot most frequented by copulators, — I sat on it, and lifting her clothes, I put my peg into her. She clumsily rose and fell at first, but nature soon taught her. She spent, received my injection in her cunt, and sat on my prick till it left her, and then kissed me. "Let us go further off," said she — I think my sister's about here, and I must get home before she does." She never fucked that way before, and I never had done it like that in the open.
I found now that I had not a bit of silver left, but was charmed with the little fuckstress, and "Give me the silver back," said I, "and I'll give you half a sovereign for it." — She did — but suspicious. "It's real gold ain't it?" "Go to a gas lamp and look and I'll wait here for you." "No — I won't, and you must be a real gentleman, and I'll be here tomorrow night, will you come to me?" said she. "No — You keep away and work, it's best for you." "I shan't, I only gets nine pence a day, and walks three miles there, and three miles back. — I'm tired on it."
I got home, my lust fever over, and in a terrible state of disgust with myself. I scrubbed my hand over and over again, I washed my prick and rubbed it till it was sore. When I have had such a mortal fear of disease I don't recollect. — Not since my boyhood I think. It was Pox-Pox, I dreaded. I soaked my hand next day in strong soda, plugged my nails with soap, then brushed it out, and was for some days in terror. Then I fancied my prick sore, and went to a doctor. I would not for days touch food with the hand which had paddled in the Scotchman's sperm, — and I had Victoria with fear lest I should disease her. It was a fortnight before my mind righted itself, and then I was still disgusted with myself for feeling the spermatized cunt of he park doxy. Yet with this I had a strange desire to see how a cunt looked, as well as felt, with another man's sperm in it. I have often desired to see that lately.
[This was a lewed interlude, had without intention. Curiosity begat curiosity, which begat lust, strong, unreflecting, unconscious, and unmanageable. — Yet now I say what harm was there in it, what evil did I do to anyone — what to myself? — As a series of lewed, and sequential impulses, the affair seems to me now a psychological phenomenon, and nothing more.]