The Sex Diary of a
Vol. 6 Chapter VIII
Then I went promiscuously with women, until one night when quite early in the year, going to the A*g**e rooms, I saw on entering Eliza F***m**g. — Ten minutes afterwards I was in her brougham, soon at her house at C***s*a, and within an hour after had fucked her twice, and we were at supper together. I found my way home at 3 o'clock next morning.
She had quarrelled with Mr. F***m**g, left him, and turned gay. He had given her a house full of handsome furniture, had paid the rent for one year of a handsome house, and had gone abroad. I don't think that he expected her to turn on to the town — but rather that some other man would take her as mistress, for she had a good class of male acquaintances thro their visiting him. Moreover, she was altogether a superior woman for her class, and had been very well educated indeed. I have met but few who have been much educated at all, altho most of them pretend a lot. I never got the facts of her birth and relations, nor very much about F***m**g, for she was reserved on all those topics.
However, there she was, going as she said "to have a fling" and was doing well. Expecting ten pounds for giving a man "a night's lodging and breakfast," she said jocosely, and getting it, but she didn't tell me that that night, I learnt it afterwards.
She was just as exquisite in form, and in sexual pleasures. I had been unusually unhappy just before I met her again, and drowned my sorrow with women, and said I would stop with her a week. — "Oh — do — but wait until Monday. I have promised Lord E**t*r on Saturday, but on Monday next I shall be disengaged." — On that day I took up my quarters with her, and such a week's fucking I have rarely had. I was insatiable, and she was willing to indulge in love frolics to any extent. At the end of the week I was hollow eyed and hollow cheeked, and she much the same. She was one I found who when her passions were roused, could keep on spending twice to my once, till she was half dead with pleasure, and her eye sockets were blue with sexual exhaustion; yet still she could not keep her hand from my prick when I was near her. This prick which I once thought so small.
Then I learnt how very heavy her expenses were. — She had several servants, and a brougham to keep. It made me anxious, for I could not bear to give her less than others. Speaking delicately about it — "I don't want any money from you. — Give me another bracelet some day (She had the one already given her.) but you had better now leave me for a week, then come and stay with me again" — and I did. Eliza liked me much tho I don't say she loved me, and I began to like her too much as well as liking her cunt, and at the end of another week, I had so exhausted both her and myself, that I felt nearly in the same condition that I was in, when with Mrs. O*b***e at the hotel in Switzerland, a few years ago.
There is, I find, one way of testing a woman's liking for me. — Those who have liked me much, have been pleased to let me pose them at will, and contemplate them, just as long as I liked. Eliza F***m**g did — and she was so beautiful that I was always at it. An hour after dinner (we nearly always dined at her house where she had a good cook), we were in night-dresses, and then our fun began. It being winter, nudity was not quite so pleasurable in itself — but we made the room as hot as fires would make it, and stripped or half stripped, and began our lascivious play. — Between each fuck I scarcely took my eyes off of her, so enamoured was I of her beauty, unless lying quite close to her, with her hand round my prick — which was her favourite place and pastime. I have lain half an hour with my head resting on her thigh near to the knee, looking at her cunt, and puffing it about, as she lay with thighs wide open to indulge me. — Or looking at her whilst laying on her belly, so that I might contemplate the clink in its hairy snugness, between thighs and a backside, in themselves exquisite to look at, from their shape and whiteness, without thinking of the temple of love they enclosed. — She never that I can recollect, shewed anything but pleasure at my doing this. — Others who take such amusements as a matter of business, or a lustful preliminary, always get impatient if my curiosity lasts too long.
Then I found that she made from fifty to seventy pounds a week, by the exercise of her profession, whilst I had given her nothing in money. — Lord E**t*r just then sent her a cheque for a hundred, together with a note saying he was coming to town on a certain day, to stop a few days, and that the cheque would pay some of the expenses. I saw both note, cheque, and the money she got when she had cashed it. This was too much for me. I drew a cheque for her for thirty pounds, and insisted on her taking it. But she refused it. "You know you can't give me so much," — said she. I told her that unless she took it I would not see her again. She took the money, and I stopped with her nearly till the day when Lord E. was to arrive. On my leaving she gave me a very nice cravat pin, which I accepted. Then I avoided seeing her for some time, tho much against my will, so as neither to get more spooney on her, nor to encourage too kindly a feeling on her part towards me. I went to the Argyle, made acquaintance with a swell woman there one night, and was just leaving with her when I met Eliza. She looked so dreadfully hurt, that I gave the woman a sovereign and returned with Eliza, who cried all the way to her house. I slept with her, and never had a more voluptuous night. She complained of my absence, and wished to know what women I had had, and I told her truth-fully. "What a pity it is you're not better off," said she, "for you'd keep me wouldn't you? But I should only get you into debt, for somehow I never can make any money I have, do." She was in debt I found then even, with all the money she had. God knows how she spent it.
Then E**t*r offered to keep her. She sought my ad-vice, which was to accept him, and ultimately she did, tho she said she hated him. She sold off her furniture, and he took a house for her in R*g***s P**k. I gave her a handsome bracelet when we parted, but she only accepted it on condition that I would call and see her; and altho disliking to poach on another man's manor I said I would, and once or twice had her there. All I now tell of did not occupy more than about seven weeks. Then I went out of town mainly to get away from her, tho I loved her embraces.
I had women for a time, but will now finish about Eliza F**m**g. A very short time afterwards, I saw her in the park driving, made an assignation, and had her at a baudy house. There she told me that F**m**g had written to her, that he was coming back, and said he would marry her, what should she do. — "Marry him, of course," said I.
Two or three months after, she married him, and disappeared from London altogether. I was told that he had an estate in one of the colonies, and had gone there. I never verified that. I felt sorry at her loss — thinking she was a woman I could have been happy with. But who can tell? She was one of those who was voluptuous in the highest degree and would do all amorous tricks. She made no pretense of modesty, yet in all she did there was a certain refinement, and delicacy in her manner. Pulling the lips of a cunt apart for male inspection, seems an act not very elegant, and as if the way of doing it must be the same with all women; yet it is not so. There was a certain lady-like manner in Eliza's doing it, which differed somehow much from that of nine women out of ten, and I have noticed that delicate difference in other women, tho I cannot describe the difference. It is in-definable. (Now I like, I think, the baudy manner of a randy woman, to whom all modesty is a nuisance, and who is lewed both in deed and word. What a difference twenty years have made in my tastes. Eliza F***m**g never used lewed words at all.)
Then I went on the continent, whilst the weather was yet cold. I saw the dancing rooms at Rotterdam, and poor and cheap as they were, had two or three of the women at them. I had one, really a fine, tall, beautiful woman with flaxen hair, and who wore large silver ornaments like shields, or saucers, on each of her temples. Her flesh was beautifully white — I was cunt-struck and had her within a few minutes after I had entered the saloon, and felt ashamed of going out of the room with her as other couples did with women. But no one seemed to notice the couples retiring, tho all knew what they left the room for. The ladies re-turned generally alone, the men after their love-making usually going off by a side door, tho I have seen a man and woman come back into the saloon together, tho every one must have well known what they had been doing upstairs.
I didn't like her flaxen-haired motte, it was never a colour I liked, yet I hadn't left the house a quarter of an hour, when I took a fancy to return to the saloon, and there was the North Hollander, dancing with quite a handsome English youth, well dressed, and seemingly not more than eighteen years old. In another minute he had retired with her, and in about ten minutes more I should think, she returned to the dancing room. She had been fucked, and had cunt-washed in that short space of time. The idea (and what a strange idea it seemed to me) of putting my prick into her after the handsome youth, gave me a cock-stand, and just then noticing me, she came smiling and sat herself by the side of me. At once filled with lust I went upstairs with her again. There I began to wonder at myself, and thought I would leave, but a curiosity sprang up in me about his cock, and in German I asked her if she'd been fucked since I had left her half an hour before.
She said "No." — Then I told her what I had seen, whereat she laughed, and acknowledged it was true. I asked questions about him. His prick was big, "Big, and oh! So stiff." He would not wait till she took off her clothes, but put her on bed-side, his prick went up, and almost directly he spent. — I was specially curious then. "Ach Gott — he spent wonderful. Ach Gott, drowned was mine cunt with it, he, was ein English Man."
Then I looked at her flaxen-haired slit, and to make sure of its being free from his sperm, made her wash it well out before me, and then I entered it again and enjoyed her, thinking of his prick having rubbed where mine was rubbing. What strange fancies come into my head now! They never used to run so much on the male, but they seem to do so more, since Betsy John-son got me the sod I should like to feel another, and one with a big prick I begin to think. And what harm can there be in doing so?
At Amsterdam I went to the best baudy house, which faced one of the canals, and saw a consequential bitch, who began bargaining with me before I had felt her garters even. To satisfy her I gave her about five times what I had given at Rotterdam, and paid down. Then she shammed modesty till I lost my temper, for I know when a regular whore does that, she is a humbug, and has something to hide. I went in my anger to the door to leave, but calling out for the baud to tell her. That brought the bitch to her senses. Taking about ten minutes to do it, she undressed, and a poor, skinny, bony female she was, and one who could not put her thighs wide apart, or who would not, but I think could not. I have had several women who could not, whose thigh bones seemed nearer together than those of most women. — There seemed scarcely room for my hand between this one's thighs, as I graspd her cunt with my whole hand as I like to do.
The hair of her cunt was dark, and it had two, funny looking, thin, yet fully developed lips. It was an ugly cunt, but for all that I spent in it, and did it standing by the bed side. Unable to get her legs conveniently over my hips, I put them high up, and she then doubled them up till her knees were near her chin. That facilitated my entry, and I fucked her in that attitude. — She said my prick hurt her, which I don't believe, and then she asked me for a further present, which I refused, and did not go to her again.
There was something about this woman's cunt, and the closeness of her thighs, which set me thinking and comparing. I have as before said if I recollect rightly, had women whose thighs did not seem to open wide enough, to let me lie comfortably between them, but this woman's thighs, cunt, and build, seemed to remind me of some woman whom I had had in my youth. At length it occurred to me that she resembled a maid in my mother's service who was named Harriett. The re-semblance came into my mind suddenly, and I recollect that I have said a good deal about her. When how-ever I attempt to go into particulars of resemblance, my memory fails me.
A day or two after, going down an alley about five feet wide, I saw a big woman sitting with a low dress at window, showing nearly all her breasts. It was as day-time, but giving her about three shillings in English money, I had a very satisfactory poke, in a fully-haired cunt, between a big pair of white thighs, and a stunning backside, and was so well contented, that I had the lady again the next day. Certainly I have had on chance occasions, and for very small money payment, as fine women as a man need desire. — Only they were generally so coarse and vulgar in manner.
This woman spoke German, but in a dialect which I could scarcely understand. But all the baudy words explanatory of fucking, she spoke in good German, and in English, and in French as well. I expect many sea-faring men had her. As I examined her perfections whilst she was naked (and willingly) with me, I looked at her bum-hole, and touched it out of fun. Thereupon she told me, and made me understand somehow, that if I wanted to "bougarrr" her, I must pay "one Victoria," she never let it be done for less. — "It can't be done," said I. "Yah — yah — hier," said she, jumping up and taking out from a closet a pomatum pot. Then in her dialect, she explained I suppose, but I did not understand, nor did I expend "one Victoria."
At the H*g*e, I got a really splendid woman, and then I fucked my way to Belgium. At B * * * s* * s, the first person I saw at the hotel was Mrs. W***t*r. — We were both astonished, and I think she was vexed at meeting me, but that soon wore off, if it had been so. A hot-arsed widow I expect gets hotter arsed, when she meets a man who has tailed her pleasurably, and certainly we had enjoyed each other well. I also when I meet a woman some time after I have fucked her, nearly always desire her again. I seem to want to see if she is changed in form, cunt, and amourous performance. I long to talk with her, and recall former pleasures. I felt that towards the heavy-arsed, maturecunted but devilish fine fuckstress, Mrs. W*, and felt also on the instant that I was sure of having her.
She was there with the same party — which now included the young man, whom her niece had declared she would have, whether her father permitted it or not. He seemed a nice young fellow. I used to sit and look at the niece, and it pleased me much to think I had seen her naked, and knew the color of her cunt wig: whilst her intended might have to wait long before he saw as much. I told Mrs. W***t*r my thoughts, when I got a tete-a-tete with her. She laughed at the affair and said, "Yes — unless he gets a look at it on the sly." — Then she turned modest, and said it was really too bad of me, to have been looking at her niece naked through the key hole. But I saw plainer than ever that she was lewed to her very marrow — no whore after twenty years' fucking, more so.
There was great difficulty in getting Mrs. W*r be-cause of the situation of our respective rooms, and circumstances generally. — But cock and cunt won't be kept asunder, if they don't mean it. — I tried to get a room next hers but failed. At length I got one opposite, but two or three days passed without my having a chance. At length we copulated at dinner-time. She shammed being unwell, and staid in her room. I sup-pose they thought I was out. I hopped across to her, and we fucked three times in an hour and a half. A day or two after, the party went off to Waterloo. — She was to have gone also, but again pleaded being unwell, tho she looked as strong as a horse. I passed the entire day with her, and had a hard ballocking bout. She had food sent up to her room for herself of course, but enough for two was there, and we eat it together. I hid myself in a cupboard when the waiter brought it in, but the cupboard was so small, that the door would not quite close on me, so she pulled some dresses right over me as they hung up there. I had a bad cough, and unfortunately a fit of coughing came on just as the waiter was leaving, and in trying to check the cough, I farted rather loudly. The waiter most likely thought it was she who had let it go.
I felt much annoyed at what I had done, but took no notice of it till we had dinner. Then the comicality of it made me suddenly burst out laughing. — She did the same. "Hish," said she, "they will hear us outside." — "What are you laughing at?" said I. — "What are you?" Both then recommenced laughing in a sup-pressed manner. "He thought it was you." "I'm afraid he did," — she replied, and then we adjourned to the bed, and no further remark was ever made about the flatulent noise. — It was funny, tho — I got away without being noticed I believe that day.
I had Mrs. W***t*r once again only, and am of the same opinion that I was, about her sexual skill and beauty. For a quite middle-aged one, I don't recollect any woman who gave me more pleasure. Her cunt was perfection tho I can say that of scores. The difficulty of getting her was great.
I had a run at the baudy houses in the town, where the women were both wholesome, and very cheap, both of which conditions for the time were agreeable to me. Altogether I had quite seven or eight of them, my favours being distributed among four houses. — Five francs was then the price at three of them, and at the other (a splendidly furnished house) the price was a Louis. — But not one of the eight women were really handsome, tho half of them had fineish forms, and all were baudy beyond my requirements.
I went on from that town to * * * * where I nearly got into a servant of a family who were travelling, but did not succeed. I got her out in the dark one night, and felt her cunt whilst she had her back against a wall. I afterwards got her into my bed-room, and there, tho I felt her, and made her cunt sweat with her lust, tho she felt my prick till I nearly spent, tho I am sure from the intrusion of my fingers that she was no virgin, tho she subdued her voice almost to a whisper when refusing me and defending herself, tho I threw her on the bed, and kissed her thighs, yet I never succeeded. I had to let her go, on her saying quite seriously, and sternly. — "Now we've had our fun, but if you're rough I'll cry out — that I will — for you shan't do it to me and I don't want your money neither, never you mind if I've done it or not, you shan't." "I expect you've got the pox," said I, leaving her. I have had others who would go to any lengths, but stop at fucking.