The Sex Diary of a
Vol. 11 Chapter VII
The narrative in its chronological order of events I finish. Many more incidents might have been told of varied delights, of whims and fancies normal and abnormal, yet tho the places, participants and actresses were different, the amatory amusements were similar to others played elsewhere, and their repetition in the narrative would be tedious.
I break with the past, my amatory career is over, my secret life finished. My philosophy remains the same. My deeds leave me no regret — with the exception perhaps of a very few. — Would that I were young enough to continue in the same course — that all might happen to me over again. — But age forbids, duty for-bids, affection forbids — Eros adieu.
Here abruptly terminates the narrative. Some years after the writer died the manuscript came as already told into the possession of him who arranged and abbreviated it. A wonderful narrative of something like fifty years of secret life.
In eliminating manuscript from time to time, in order to abbreviate, much was destroyed, but some episodes were laid aside for further selection, and some with the view of grouping them in chapters. A few of those disjecta membra are added here but are not chronologically arranged, that being now impossible. They evidently occurred however within the last twenty years of the history.
One Saturday afternoon taking a walk to a village a mile or two from where I was staying, I entered the church to look at it. As I did so the sexton was leaving and locking the door. — "I must go Sir, and must lock it, we never leave the church door open without some one in it, in case dogs or tramps come in, and there's only the gal there cleaning the robing room. We parleyed awhile and I tipped him. "If you like I'll leave the key inside, but you must lock the door, and I'll be back in half an hour." I agreed, locked it and strolled about, looking at the brasses and monuments which were famous, and not thinking at all about the woman cleaning the robing room.
Without thought of womankind and in the day-time often, voluptuous thrills go thro my pego, admonishing me that it was made for something besides piddling. Having done so it is usually quiet, but sometimes repeats it and gently swells. — Then my thoughts wander towards woman's sexual charm, and up rises pego, filling me with desire to lodge it between a pair of soft white female thighs, in the warm, red, lubricious channel always fit to receive it. — Nature has thus arranged the feminine organ that it needs no preparation, and is never nicer to the prick than when it has been some hours unwashed — fresh washed, astringent quims never pleased me. Servants' quims taken on the sudden are always lubricious and delicious with natural juices.
Looking at a noticable monument a thrill passed to me another and soon another — my pego swelled and such voluptuous sensations pervaded me, that I sat down thinking of cunt, and thro my brain erotic reminiscences and idealities flashed. — My prick grew rigid, I felt it, then took it out and looked at it, almost frigged it, just as I used when a young man. I was so fit for the joyous intercourse with a woman, that I thought no more of monuments. — Suddenly I heard a scrubbing or brushing, and recollected that a woman was cleaning the parson's robing room.
When in that randy state, to be near almost any woman is pleasurable. With all their faults, and spite of the troubles they bring to men, they are the joy of a true man's life. I put back into my trowsers my prick which I had taken out to look at during my voluptuous meditations, approached the room, pushed the already half opened door, and saw a strapping wench on her knees brushing the carpet. Her large arms were naked to above the elbows, her big bum stuck out towards me, and from beneath her ample petticoats one leg was visible half way up to her knee, and was cased in a nice white stocking. My cock throbbed, desire to fuck her filled me, and I made a slight noise. "You've come back very quick, yer ain't been there," and turning her head. — "Oh! I beg your pardon Sir, I thought you was him, how did you get in?" She seemed astonished.
She got up saying that, and a strongly built, bold, handsome faced wench of about twenty she was. I told her how I had got in. — "Mother allus does the cleaning but she's ill, so I've come," said she gratuitously, for I'd not asked her — and as if ashamed of being caught at the work. — "You're a good daughter and a handsome one," said I smiling. — "The rector will give you a kiss for doing it." I was glad to say anything. — "Not he," said she boldly and laughing, for my remark had put her at her ease. Then we stood and looked at each other. — "You're very handsome, are you married?" — She shook her head. — "Show me the monument of * * * *" — naming a country magnate — "and I'll give you a shilling." — "Thankee Sir." She moved off, I following her with prick like a ramrod. — She pointed out the monument to me, but I was thinking only of her cunt all the while.
It was against the wall at the end of a long, large, old fashioned pew with high enclosures, which we both entered. I looked at it for a minute reflecting what next to do, she standing by me. Then I gave her a shilling and snatched a kiss. — "Oh don't, he may come in." — "I've locked the door." — Another kiss and I pulled her down not unwilling on the seat besides me. — "I'll give you half a crown to feel the garter on that jolly leg," saying which I made a snatch at her clothes, and got my hand well up on to her thigh just above the garter. She struggled, gave one or two loud squeals. — "Oh don't — now you shan't — oh — if any one comes — oh now don't. Ohoo, leave me alone Sir." She began to laugh midst her struggles. — "No one can come in, the door's locked." — "Yes, Sir, the Rector can come through the churchyard, and the robing room door's open. — "Oh! Don't now." My passion was a little checked by that and I desisted. "Here's the half crown as I've felt it, give me another kiss." — She took the half crown and submitted to the embrace, I held her close to me and jogged my belly up against hers. — "I'll give you a sovereign to let me do that." — "Oh — go away — let me go," — pushing me. I let her go fearing the Rector might surprize us. "Let me see the robing room." "It's there," said she going ahead and pointing. — "Now — don't, Sir." — I tried to pull her clothes up from behind, succeeded as high as her garters, and saw the handsome calves in white stockings, which made my cock more restive than ever. — "Now, I won't show you Sir if yer does that again," and she twirled round, I held on to her petticoats which tightened round her legs as she sat down heavily on a free seat by the pew door. Then she laughed as if she could not help it. Again I gave a kiss and a promise, and off we went to the room which was near the altar. I felt sure she liked my smutty games, and at the door stopped. — "My dear tell me something?" — "What Sir?" — "Is there much hair on it?" — "Oh! Go along," said she, actually coloring up — but she laughed.
In the room I saw a door leading out by a flight of steps into the churchyard, and a path leading I supposed to the rectory. The Rector usually entered the church that way she said. I locked the door, she smiled as if she guessed my game. — "Give me another kiss, you are so beautiful." Indeed I thought so, for I was under the fascination of cunt. — "No." But I took it. - "Let us?" — "Let us what?" said she looking full in my eyes. — Instinct — never failing me, told that she was in concupiscent state. — "Let's do it" — I didn't dare to say point blank the magic words. — "Do what?" with a voluptuous twinkle in her eyes, and anxious to hear the baudy words of invitation. How her cunt was tingling, for women as men like smutty talk and baudy words — what sane human creature is there but feels pleasure in hearing the exciting triad. — Prick, cunt, fuck, that duality in unity by which in the delirium of physical and mental pleasure, the race is perpetuated. "Do what?" — "You know, and you won't tell your sweetheart." — "I don't know and I haven't got one." She turned away smiling, took up a broom, and somehow I was afraid for the moment to press matters further, tho sure she was ready. How explain these eccentricities of mine? — I never could.
"Nonsense," said I, laying hold of her arm and praising its plumpness. — "I'm mad for you." — She let me feel and rub it gently up and down. — "I dunno how he came to let you in," said she standing quite still and staring. — I saw she was waiting for my advances and tried to get my hand up her clothes. — She resisted, struggled, squealed, but my fingers got well between her thighs, and then she escaped. — I pursued her round the room, caught and kissed her, jogged my belly against hers. — "Let us." — "What?" — "Fuck — look," said I pulling out my cunt plugger, never in handsomer or more inviting condition to a woman. — She looked hard at it, and chuckled. — "Oh for shame," said she still eyeing it — I don't recollect clearly what next passed through my mind, but felt sure she was lewed and had already been fucked, tho now was fearful. Again I caught her, pushed her bum against the table, got my fingers on to her cunt. — "Oh — no — pray don't — not here. — I'll meet you tonight." — cried she excitedly.
"Don't be foolish — we are alone — no one can get in — here are two sovereigns for you," and I put them on the table — my prick still standing out. "I don't want your money." — Many have said that to me, tho they mostly took it when they'd been tailed. — "Not here. — No — no — I will tonight — no — oho" — My hand was up her petticoats, she stooped pushing them down but I persisted, gave her a strong push, and she fell on the floor, I with her, for a minute we struggled and I pulled up her clothes. "Oh! If they come back." — Then in a second my fingers were well within the lips of her moist warm slit, I caught at it as we rolled together.
"You mustn't here," were her last words, as if she thought there was impiety in the act I contemplated. But the struggle was over, both meant fucking, modesty and fears were conquered as I mounted her, clutched her solid haunches and plunged my prick up her and very soon, too soon, sighing our pleasure we spent. Her cunt was overflowing with my libation and her contribution, whilst silent and coupled we lay on the Turkey carpet of the robing room — a glorious fuck it was.
I lay on her in blissful silence clasping the sides of her smooth cool buttocks. — "I'm a feared that he'll come back," murmured she uncunting me. "He can't, the door is locked." We got up and her petticoats falling hid the charms which I'd never even seen at all. — We talked quietly, and she eyed the sovereigns. — Fucking opens a woman's mouth as well as her cunt. The sexton's duty was not to leave the church, but he often did and locked her mother in on Saturdays, and went away to drink. — He was a toper. The Rector never came there on Saturdays, it was cleaning up day. "He writes his sermons then — I'm told." — Much more talk was of the same sort mixed with baudy suggestions. — "Then you like fucking, don't you?" — "Oh, not at all," said she smiling. — "Hush — he's knocking at the entrance." — "It's nothing, let him wait, say you didn't hear him."
Looking full in each other's eyes and sitting, touching each other, I knew that the libation must have been wetting her thighs, and the idea of that began to stiffen me. I'd never seen her cunt, for as I pulled up her petticoats I rolled on to her. "Let's look at it, and we'll fuck again." — "Oh no — he'll be back — tell me the time." — I looked at my watch and told. — "Oh, he won't be back yet if he's gone for a booze, but I can't — I can't wash here." — "There is water in the pail." — "I shan't — I can't — no — I won't." A long resistance more baudy talk and the incitement of a stiff prick again. "Oh — oh — now, if he comes back." — A struggle, but I fingered her gluey orifice, and in a few minutes had her laying on her back on the table, fucking her, my hands, holding up her fat thighs, every now and then glancing down at my tool as it worked up and down in her well haired split, and so again we consummated. — "He'll sure be back soon — oh — do go — what will he think of your being here so long?" — I kissed her and departed through the Rector's door to the churchyard. I gave her a parting kiss. — "Your cunt's wet." "It's not dry, go along," said she laughing. Delighted with my afternoon's amusement, I lingered near the church and walked round the churchyard, which was at that point some feet below the level of the Rector's room; no one could have looked at our tricks through the windows. I met the sexton soon after at the entrance porch, he was groggy and talkative. Then he knocked hard at the door with a stick, then rang a bell. I stopped, the woman opened it. How she opened her eyes when she saw me. I winked at her over the sexton's shoulders, and left. — It was the sexton's daughter I heard later on. — She also was a Mary she told me. What a lot of Marys I've tailed. — How fine and firm and fuckable are these country wenches, what juicy cunts.
One dark Saturday night in spring at about ten o'clock, when passing along a main metropolitan throughfare, — three women turned down a short street, ill lighted and with blank walls on each side. At about fifty feet from the main road this street turned at right angles, and for a long distance then went at the backs of houses in the main thoroughfare. On the other side where there was no footway were big warehouses without occupants at night, and against them were empty carts left there till the morrow. There was little or no traffic in the street, for there was [and is] no gain in going that way. This part of the street also was still more dimly lighted than the short branch, strumpets often pissed and fucked there freely. Many a cunt I'd felt there in times gone by. Others at times — not strumpets — wanting a pee wee badly, found in it an out of the way quiet spot to do that splashing business. I saw that the three were not gay women. As I passed, one with a chuckle said, "Just round the corner," and they went there quickly looking round anxiously to see if they were noticed. — They were respectably dressed like the wives of artizans, and I believed they were so from their manner, and that they'd been having a Saturday night's drop, as artizans' wives at Saturday marketings do; a drop enough to make them frisky, randy, and rollicksome, yet not tight. My balls were full that night — sudden letches depend much on the fullness of that reservoir — and my enduring letch seized me. I followed them, feeling mechanically in my pocket to ascertain if I'd enough to pay for my amusement, if it could be had, and forgetting I'd a pocket full, for I had changed gold purposely that day to get silver. They stopped at a hundred feet or so from the angle, as I approached noticed me, and went further. So did I and close up to them, as in a group they stopped and hesitated. "What do you want, young man?" I wasn't young — said a tall woman whom I guessed to be forty. "To see you all piddle." — "Ho, ho," they all burst out together as if astonished, yet amused not shocked. "Well I'm sure — then you won't." — "I'm going to piddle too." — "Ho, ho, — he, he," they burst out again, and then were quiet and went without a word a few feet further. They in fact moved and quietly to a much darker spot. I wonder they didn't cross to the dark wall and empty carts.
One woman then burst out loudly laughing, then the others did — quite a chorus. "We're respectable women, go away now," said the tall one. — I felt sure they were so tho poor, and hesitated. But I'd felt the cunts of their class before, knew that money tempts, that women like erotic tricks, so persisted. — Many workmen's wives have been free and easy with their cunts before marriage, which weakens their morals; but it's a mistake to suppose "once a whore always a whore." There are 'many whores married among the lower classes — and indeed in every rank of life — who are chaste enough then, they forget and eschew past habits, and are content with the prick of the bread winner, yet at times some yearn for a fresh bit of cock, and a baudy trick or two. I've always had the faculty of making women lewed, and felt sure from their hesitation that lust was coming on the three.
"Piddle and let me feel it, and I'll give you half a crown apiece," said I, bidding high for they were not strumpets, and catching hold of one woman's arm I held it. "Well — I'm blowed" — said she staggered but not resisting. — "Get away," said the tall one angrily, "or I'll call a policeman." — "What for, to see you piddle or see him piddle?" — All laughed. "Well! What cheek," said one. — "I've felt dozens of women's cunts here whilst they piddled," said I, bolder now that they'd stood so much. "Get along you blackguard, do it if you want, and get away and let us." — They then turned their backs to me and talked quite close together in a low tone, laughing quietly at intervals, and I supposed they were talking about me, so said, — "Let's all piddle, and we'll all go and have a glass of wine together." — "Not I," — said one. I could then just see in the dim light that one nudged another, and again all quietly laughed, which encouraged me. "Here's someone coming, I wish you'd go, what will they think?" — said the tall one now very angrily. But I stood still. A man and woman slowly approached, they I think had come with fornicating intent, took no notice of us and passed far away. Whether they fucked in the obscurity among the empty carts I know not, for my mind was now in a passionate ferment with my own desires which had intensified with our talk, and what seemed to me a chance of their gratifying me. I longed to feel these three women's cunts for they were not whores, and to see them piddle. The idea of doing so seemed delicious to me, and getting reckless thought I'd try even gold. — None of them evidently were quite young, yet young enough, but they were not strumpets — that seemed the special charm — I didn't reflect, had set my heart on feeling their piddle, was carried away by my letch and went on impetuously to satisfy it. Their not being strumpets gave the charm, as if their cunts were different from those of whores. With a sudden impulse, feeling my pocket full of silver I said. — "I'll give you five shillings each." — "Get away, and don't talk like that — we're going," said the tall one.
They walked still further, I close to them and at the very darkest spot they stopped. — "Here's five shillings," and I chinkled some silver. — "God — what — do you take us for?" — "I can't wait" — said one suddenly, and squatted, the others standing close to her. I heard the splash, stooped, thrust my hand under her petticoats on to her open cunt, and took the stream on my hand. — "Oh don't — he — he — he — you blackguard. He — he — push him away I ane," — she laughed and bullied at the same time. "Mrs. * * * * *, oh!" said in indignant tones the other two simultaneously as if astounded, then burst out laughing. The lady pissed long and heavily, but a woman doesn't take long to empty her bladder. She didn't push away my hand from her cunt till she rose up then. — "He — he — he — you blackguard, I hope you're pleased." "There's the money." — She hesitated, took it, saying again as if amused, — "You blackguard — he — he — he," — and put it into her pocket. The other two now laughed, saying. — "Well — well — oho — oho — there he — he — he." — Again a man and woman passed, and they stopped laughing.
The others were again laughing after silence for a moment, they saw the silver had been taken. — "Where is your five shillings?" — said the tall one. — I gave it — "I ain't agoing to do it — there," — and as if she'd cheated me she laughed. — "All right I'll wait till you do." — "Did yer hever know such cheek?" said she with emphasis. — "Well then" — and suddenly down she squatted. Quickly again I stooped, for a second got my hand on a gap which seemed as large as a cow's, with a stream running as if from a pump, when saying, "Don't" she gave me a push and I rolled into the gutter, which fortunately was dry. By the time I'd got up her stream had ceased and she was standing up. "Serves him right," said the others laughing heartily. — All, I felt now sure, were enjoying the baudy game.
"You do it and we'll all be alike," said the tall one to the other. — "I don't want." — "Why you said you a were a bursting." — "Here's the five shillings," said I. — "Will you go that way afterwards and let us go this if I do?" — jerking her head in the two directions. — "Certainly." — Down she squatted, pissed over my hand and finished with a fart. — "Oh," said she rising as if much ashamed. — The other two laughed loudly. — "We'll have another glass," — "I must get home," said another. — "I've felt all your cunts," said I.
"I'll piss now if I am not too stiff, and will give you five shillings if you'll all feel my prick after," — for I was now wildly lewed and began emptying my bladder. — They looked on. "I will," said the first one who'd pissed — "but give it us first." — I gave it, she and the tall one felt it, then the other did, then both felt it again. "Well if ever I had such a lark in my life — well," said one. — "Oho — hoh," — for it got stiff in her handling. — "He — he — he," all laughed together now. "Good night I hope you'll all be well fucked tonight." — "He — he — he — he — he," — I heard dying away in the distance as they went off.
Before I got to the corner going slowly in the opposite direction, I saw far off a man and a woman cross the road to the dark side where carts were standing. Slackening my pace for a few seconds, when opposite to the spot I saw they were fucking hard. They took no notice of me as I stood watching. Then I went off to the main thoroughfare and waited, guessing that one would return that way. Soon a gentlemanly dressed man came round the corner very hurriedly, and was out of sight in a minute. Back I turned and met the woman, evidently a demirep. — "Do you want me my dear?" — "I'd like to feel your cunt, it's just been fucked, and I'll give a shilling." — "All right — oh, wait, here comes a policeman." — We talked till he'd passed, and then among the carts I felt her for a shilling. — I've felt scores at that price, but had just paid five shillings a feel.
Afterwards going along * * * * St. filled with desire, burning with lust, thinking of what a lot I had done in twenty minutes — I saw a nice looking girl and went home with and fucked her.
[There are now double the number of lamps in the street where this piddling took place, empty carts no longer stand there, fucking and piddling is no longer so easy to accomplish without hindrance. I went recently to see, for I like revisiting the scenes of my amours.]
[This is not the only time I've felt in the streets the cunts of women not harlots. On similar occasions — tho not in that street — twice I'm sure I've felt two women when together. — In one case one of the women was much younger than the other, in both cases they were respectable, and I think married women of the humbler class. One consented first and then induced the other. Women can be made lewed by suggestion. That the money, drink, and opportunity, did it in all cases, all were a little lewed. I think the narrative of these incidents has been retained but am not sure.]
Then occurred (and soon after the Franco-German war) one of the most singular of my experiences. I was at a great German city stopping there for the night only, took a walk in the evening and thought I should like to see the bagnios there, never having yet done so. Not being able to ascertain their whereabouts, I hired a fiacre and told the coachman to drive me to the best one.
I saw five women, — there were ten in the house, and five were then ministering to male pleasures and their own profit. A tall, nut brown haired woman, with soft dark eyes and clear complexion, clad in a handsome, loose, yellow silk dress, attracted me, and soon I sat watching her take off her very nice linen. — Then she was lying on the bedside with chemise up to her breasts, and to my surprise and delight I found her secret charms were quite hairless. — For the moment I seemed under some delusion, but there was no mistake. Her motte had the slightest sprinkling of nearly invisible light brown down, which might have covered a shilling, but it did not hide her beautifully white flesh there, and as the down approached the sacred orifice for the male, it ceased altogether, and the split from one end to the other was absolutely hairless. The puffy surrounding off the indent — scarcely to be called lips — was soft, elastic, white, and smooth as ivory, with a delicate coral tinted line just peeping, which was hidden lower down by the closing of the plump white buttocks on either side.
I turned her round, kneeling her with her handsome but not big buttocks towards me, and the hairless red division was an exquisite sight. There was not a posture in which I could place her to see her cunt that I didn't then pose her in, made her open the lips with her fingers, kneel with thighs wide apart without her fingers, so as to get the contrast between the white and coral, and the effect every way was ravishing, I should have liked a photograph of it. The feel of the surface of her quim was so soft, so elastic, so voluptuous, that I actually laughed with sensuous delight, and at once knelt to gamahuche her, with my prick nodding with stiffness and lust. Yet till I'd seen her charms I'd had no desire, being very fatigued, in a hurry, and merely having gone to the bagnio to see what sort of place it was, and what sort of women were there. I licked her modest little clitoris till she writhed and refused to let me continue. Then getting up and placing my pego between the white lipped opening, drove it up to the deepest depths of her cunt. When there, the pleasure of the lodging was so great, that it brought my pleasure to an end too soon. I was holding one thigh up, looking down at my pego's movements, and feeling the soft white flesh in which it was embedded, admiring and delighted, when with a throb up came my sperm. And I'd gamahuched her to some purpose, for she spent directly my libation touched her cunt.
She was two and twenty she said and looked about that. She never had had any more hair than now. The first came when she was about eighteen, before that she was hairless absolutely. I looked and felt carefully, to see if she was shaven, or whether the pudendal baldness was artificial and the result of using chemicals, but it was quite natural. She laughed when I told my doubts. — "Look, look, its nature," said she.
I was obliged to depart next day, but willingly would have stayed to fuck that abnormal cunt again. I have seen artificial smoothness on cunts in the East, but never such a naturally hairless one in a full grown woman. It must be rare, for I have seen perhaps fifteen hundred, and think I've only seen one full grown woman's cunt at all resembling it, tho at this moment can't recollect when or where.
[This manuscript was set aside with the intention of putting it with others into a chapter upon cunts. It got mislaid till sorting for final burning of manuscript.]